


Blind Dates & Cocksicles

by destroza



Series: Spierfeld week [1]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: First Meeting, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, adult bram, adult simon, alcohol use, alternative universe, non-canon, the plot does not take place in the book or movie, they don't really get drunk just tipsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroza/pseuds/destroza
Summary: Garrett sets Bram up on a blind date. He's surprised when he sees Simon Spier show up, except Simon isn't who Garrett originally set him up with.





	Blind Dates & Cocksicles

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little AU Spierfeld fic oneshot for day one of Spierfeldweek. The prompt is alternative first meeting. I chose to go AU with this one because I can and felt like it. And I'm not gonna lie, the title is a little bit of clickbait. You'll see why I chose it when you get to the end of the story.

“I set you up on a blind date,” Garrett cheesed as Bram made his way through the front door of their apartment. “Tonight. 7:30pm. Dinner. You’re going. You’re not getting out of this one that easily, Greenfeld.”

He was relieved that he was still Garrett’s best friend even after high school. People always told him that you meet your true friends in college and that your friends from high school become nothing more than just a memory, but Garrett and Bram’s friendship persisted. They even decided to move in with each other to cut the costs of rent. Bram hadn’t realized just how much more expensive it was to live in the city.

“But, I just got off of work and I’m exhausted!” Bram protested.

Garrett shook her head in disappointment. “Do you know how hard I worked to get this blind date set up?”

"I’m flattered but you really didn’t need to do this for me. I’m more than capable of finding a date for myself.”

“Oh yeah?” Garrett scoffed. “When’s the last time you even went out on a date?”

“That one time with um, that… guy at…. That place!” Bram fumbled.

Garrett crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. “At that one place?”

“Okay, fine. Its been a while okay? But it’s not my fault that I work so much.”

“You’re so repressed,” Garrett shook his head. “Just get out there and have some fun. I really think you’re gonna enjoy yourself. But first, get your ass in the shower. You stink.” 

\- - -

Bram pulled up to the restaurant and double-checked the address in the text that Garrett had sent him to make sure that he was at the right place. It was an Italian restaurant. If the date didn’t go well, Bram figured that he could at least get his fill of breadsticks and still end the night on a happy note.

When he walked into the restaurant, he was greeted immediately and escorted to a private table towards the back. They had been expecting him. The hostess handed him a menu and smiled warmly. “Anything to drink while you wait?”

“The house red, please.” He hoped a little bit of alcohol would help loosen him up.

Bram flipped through the menu, and decided to avoid any dishes with garlic, just in case the date did go well. It was still a little early, but he anxiously watched the clock. It read 7:09pm. “21 more minutes.” He mumbled and he continued to thumb through the menu and took a gulp of his wine.

“Abraham Greenfeld? Is that you?” An unfamiliar voice called out.

Bram looked up from his menu. It was a face he didn’t immediately recognize. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Wow, so you’re my blind date for the night? Who would’ve thought?”

Bram looked up at the clock again. It was exactly 7:30pm. There was no mistake that this stranger was his date for the evening.

“I’m sorry to be rude. But who are you?” He tried his best to match this unfamiliar face to a name.

“It’s me. Simon. Simon Spier. From high school?” He took the seat across from Bram.

“Simon Spier?” Bram repeated.

“Yeah! I mean, I know it’s kinda weird that I know your name and recognized you immediately. I know we shared like maybe two classes together during our entire high school careers, but I don’t forget faces that easily.” He said cheerfully.

“You look different,” Bram studied Simon’s face.

“Different?” Simon sounded a little offended.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” Bram smiled. “It’s just that, wow. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

Simon had really filled out since high school, which was the first observation that Bram made. But Bram wasn’t really friends with Simon, so he wasn’t sure why he thought that. They saw each other in passing, but never talked. They shared classes with each other, true, but Bram never made an effort to get to know people from outside of his circle. Bram may have thought that Simon looked different because he no longer wore glasses, which really allowed his moon gray-eyes to sparkle, and he began growing out his hair. His hair was still perpetually messy, but it now almost reached his shoulders.

“I didn’t know you were gay,” Simon said matter-of-factly. “You know, you could’ve told me you were gay in high school.”

Bram nodded. True. Simon was out of the closet by the time senior year rolled along. It kind of made him a celebrity amongst the girls who would often engage in shipping wars. They would often pair him up with other random boys in their class.

“True, but we weren’t really friends. I think this is probably the most I’ve said to you including all four years of high school,” Bram shrugged. “You can know someone’s name and face, but it doesn’t mean you actually know the person.”

“Wow that’s cold.” Simon placed a hand over his heart. “My feelings are hurt.” He faked offense.

“Sorry, I guess Garrett was right.” Bram chuckled. “I must be repressed. I have a cute boy sitting right across from me and I’m already screwing it up.”

Simon shook his head. “No way! You’re not screwing anything up.”

Bram could feel himself loosening up a little. Thank god for wine and cute guys. The waitress came by to offer Bram a refill. He ended up asking her to just leave the whole bottle on the table and poured a glass for Simon.

“And Garrett? You still hang out with him?” Simon leaned forward.

“Yeah, we’re actually roommates now. People used to think we were lovers after I came out,” Bram scrunched his face. “I really don’t find anything about him attractive, though. It helps that he’s straight.” They both laughed.

The waitress came by again and the pair placed their orders. Bram smiled when he realized that Simon also avoided ordering anything with garlic. He could assume that this date was going well.

“I can’t believe we weren’t friends in high school,” Simon reached across the table and rested his hands on Bram’s. They linked fingers, causing Bram to blush.

Their conversation just seemed to flow so effortlessly. They talked about everything.

“You know, I kind of always had a crush on you back in high school.” Simon admitted. Their conversation seemed to flow so effortlessly. Nothing was being held back as they became increasingly tipsy from the wine they drank. “I used to call you Cute Bram Greenfeld in my head, but I never had the guts to go up and talk to you. I used to stare at your soccer calves.”

Bram hiccupped. “Really? I never really paid attention to that kind of stuff. Dating freaked me out because my mom used to give me these sex lectures all the time so you can say that I was a traumatized kid.”

“Like what?” Simon asked curiously.

“Like the condom every time including oral rule that she made up,” Bram hiccupped again. “I lovingly refer to them as cocksicles.” Bram voice was getting a little loud. A few patrons a few tables over looked in their direction and glared.

“You got in trouble!” Simon teased. “And a cocksicle sounds yummy!” They both began to giggle uncontrollably.

They barely touched their food as they chatted the night away. Bram felt so comfortable around Simon even though it was like he was meeting him for the first time.

“Hey, sorry, but I have to take this.” Bram could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. He wished that he turned his phone off completely as the vibrations were too distracting.

“No, go ahead. We have all night.” Simon smiled.

He had a few missed text messages from Garrett. He was going to ignore them, as he assumed that it was just Garrett making sure that he wasn’t screwing up his date. When he looked at the messages, though, he was a little surprised by what he was reading.

 

_Abort Abort! The blind date cancelled at the last minute. Sorry bro._  
  
_Dude! Pick up your phone!_  
  
_Why aren’t you responding?_

__

__

_Hello?_

 

Bram looked at Simon who was pushing a meatball around his plate and smiled. He began texting Garrett back.

_  
What are you talking about?_ Send.

 

He waited. It didn’t take long for Garrett to respond.

_  
The guy I set you up with ended up canceling because of the flu. Don’t tell me he showed up._

  
Bram looked across the table at his date to make sure it wasn’t just the alcohol making him hallucinate. Simon waved at Bram from his seat.

_  
Simon Spier doesn’t look sick. But thanks for the concern?_ Send

  
Bram’s phone lit up with a notification.

__  
  
_Oh? Simon Spier. That’s a surprise. But, that’s not actually who I set you up with._

__

_But have fun. You better not come home tonight ;)_

__

__

_Hope you brought condoms. Don’t forget. Every time including oral_  
  
  
Bram rolled his eyes and turned off his phone before shoving it back into his pocket. He looked over at Simon and held his hand.

“Hey, just a quick question?”

Simon nodded. “Sure, anything.”

“Were you really here because of a blind date?”

Simon shook his head. “Nope. I actually work here part time. The hostess was kind of panicking because she got a call saying that someone’s date had canceled but that one of the party members was already here. I usually don’t make a big fuss over these kinds of things, but when I saw that it was you, I knew that this was my only chance to finally get a date with the boy of my dreams,” He sighed. “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?” Bram’s face beamed.

“Because I was probably not what you were expecting.”

“You’ve exceeded every expectation,” Bram shook his head. “You wanna get out of here?”

“But we haven’t had any dessert yet!” __  
  
Bram giggled. “I was thinking we could get dessert somewhere else.” He waved the waitress down for the bill and shoved a stack of 20s in the money holder, leaving a tip that far exceeded the standard 15%

“Oh?” Simon stood from his chair and followed Bram out of the restaurant.

“Yeah. Because what I want isn’t on the menu.”

Simon smiled mischievously.

Bram licked his lips. “I suddenly got a craving for a cocksicle.”


End file.
